For a while now I've been wondering if I want to continue blogging and having this little place in the internet. There is so much expected of bloggers, you must post every day, you must always look impeccable, you need to have new clothes in every single post, and you better snap back into shape instantly after having a baby.
It's so easy to feel inadequate. There are those big names that pull in thousands upon thousands of followers. You don't know how they do it but you're mesmerized by their success and how perfect their lives seem. They're beautiful, skinny, rich, have endless amounts of clothes. I've thought that maybe if I'm just like them I'll be successful too! But their lives have always seemed so unattainable for me.
I look at Amber's blog and I know I'll never be as skinny and gorgeous as her. I'll probably never have as devout a following as Natalie that gets me a book deal. I won't have the fashion ideas or guts to pull off fur vests like Sydney. Or make $960,000/year from my blog like Rachel.
Blogging can make you feel like a failure in so many ways. It has made me more insecure because I felt like I needed to compete with these women which is practically impossible.
But probably my least favorite part was feeling like everything I was doing had to be documented for my blog so all these fun outings felt unnatural and fake. I caught myself trying to paint my life more elegantly than it is and I shouldn't do that. I don't want anyone to feel bad about themselves because of me! I want everyone to feel empowered and like they aren't alone because of my blog.
My husband is in school and I stay at home with my baby (which is a topic for another post entirely). I can't afford $1,000 shoes. I don't have someone to take my pictures and edit them with Photoshop every day. Heck, most days I don't even get out of my pajamas or brush my hair. I don't have an adorable home with hardwood floors and white walls. We live in an old apartment that's in a scary part of town where some days I'm afraid to leave because there are drunk men fighting outside or homeless people stationed by our car yelling at anyone who walks by.
For so long I've been afraid of being me because my life isn't glamorous. I'm a new mom in a new city that requires parallel parking everywhere I go and of course I have no idea how to parallel park (this subject also deserves a blog post of it's own). My husband is so busy with school because he's working incredibly hard. Right now we don't have the time or money to go on fancy trips and see the world. Our lives really aren't that interesting and we're pretty ordinary, which is hard when every blogger seems extraordinary.
I guess the point of this post is to tell you guys that I'm just me. I'm a real person. I blog because I love writing and I love documenting my life experiences. And for now on I'm going to write about what I want to write about. I'm going to post frumpy, cheap outfits since that's pretty much all I wear and I won't feel ashamed to say I got my shoes from Payless anymore! I'll probably post about my baby a lot because she's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'll post about my insecurities. And I'll post about the happiest moments in my life. I don't want people to follow me because they want to be me or envy my life, but because they (you!) like my writing and like me as a person.
So to all my readers, I vow to never make my life look more extravagant than it is and I'm going to try to be a blogger who is honest and real yet successful (and wears the same clothes over and over).
Thank you for listening. Hopefully now I'll blog more since I won't feel required to have something witty along with a new outfit, pretty hair, a sweet backdrop, and edited pictures with every post (no wonder I pretty much stopped blogging for a while, ain't got no time for that!). And maybe now I won't feel like I'm selling my soul in order to blog, instead I'll feel like I'm sharing my soul for everyone to see.
Here goes one more shot at this whole blogging thing, wish me luck!
(Disclosure, I have absolutely nothing against those blogs mentioned above, I love them all and admire those women but I just need to be me in order to keep blogging and that was the point of this post.)