Monday, July 21, 2014

purple crying

So there's this thing called "purple crying" that some babies go through. A phase where they cry at a certain time every single day, and my dear Madelyn has a strong case of it. Let's just say when night time comes around she hates the world and everything/everyone in it.

When Madelyn was first born she was an angel baby. So easy-going, never cried, easy to soothe. Then around week 3 she turned into a baby I didn't even recognize, and it's been really, really hard.

Now she cries a lot, for hours and hours at a time. And Josh works, a lot. Most days he works a 13 hours shift where he leaves before Madelyn and I have woken up and comes home when she's finally asleep and I'm heading to bed. We're like two passing ships in the night. Only my ship has a screaming, inconsolable child.

For Madelyn, it's totally normal to cry for 3+ hours at a time. Some days when we're home alone she'll cry for 6, even 7 hours without taking a break and I feel so incredibly alone and isolated and depressed. I can't even take her out in public without a freak out, and oh I hate those stares of "Geeze, can't you get your child to stop crying," and the "How dare you take a fussy baby in public where she can annoy everyone" looks. Yep. We get many of those. Unfortunately we live in an area with lots of young people who don't have children and don't understand that sometimes there's nothing you can do to get your baby to stop crying except wait it out.

The other day I went shopping for new jeans because my hips are too wide for my pre-pregnancy jeans, and my maternity pants are too big. But Madelyn woke up while we were in the dressing room and went from 0-60, crying hysterically. And boy, those big dressing rooms have some great acoustics. I got dressed as quickly as I could and with the baby in one arm and pushing the stroller with the other I heard many grunts of disapproval, a couple "Oh my gosh, SO annoying!" and many, many stares of agitation and annoyance.

The thing people don't get is that I don't understand why she's so upset or how to comfort her. They may think that makes me an unfit mother but I'm trying as hard as I can and giving myself completely to her.

Being a mom is hard. I've never been so tired and emotionally exhausted in my life. But I'm learning to ask for help and I'm surrounded by such amazing people that truly care for my little family, and that has been making this journey a little easier.

So in case you were wondering where I've been and if I'm all right, that's my answer. I've been dealing with a colicky baby who may cry more than any other child I've ever known, and I'm learning to adjust because she is worth the restless days and nights and I love her so much.

And even if she does cry a lot she's still the most beautiful baby I've ever seen (although I am biased since I'm her mother) and I love her so much. I mean, those big almond eyes just kill me. Whenever I'm ready to pull my hair out I just take one hard look at her and remind myself how lucky I am to have this babe and I feel so much better. After all, this is only a phase and eventually my sweet, easy-going girl will come back, I just know it. 

But seriously, those eyes...



  1. I appreciate your transparency here, Lauren. It's encouraging for us other moms to newborns. My son was born May 15, and I sometimes dread the evenings because I know I will not be getting anywhere near a full night's rest. It's frustrating to have long, full days (we have 3 other children) and then short snatches of sleep at night. I know God will give me the strength I need to get through (Psalm 138:8), but in the meantime it gets really hard. I'll add you to my prayer list that you, your husband, and your baby girl will receive the grace to keep going.

  2. Hang in there momma! I saw your blog post on Facebook. My second child was an extreme colicky baby. He screamed all day unless he was eating or asleep. It lasted until he was about 9 months old. It calmed around that age but he still continued to have 1-2 hour meltdowns every day. I know the feeling of the panic attacks when you take them out in public because your so scared they will start crying. I know the looks from others when you can't calm them and nothing you do works. I know the tired sleepless nights without help and the long days of nothing but baby crying (my husband was in medical school at the time). If you ever want to talk about ways that I found to calm him or calm my nerves for that matter ask Katie for my number I'd be glad to talk. Believe me I completely understand. Tip : have you tried running the vacumn close by when she starts crying? For whatever reason that was one of the few things that would calm Carter. I would vacumn for hours just to get some quiet time.

  3. That sounds like a very tough time you have to go through. I am very sorry! She still looks super cute and lovely though!

    And adding to the poster above me: There also is an app, that makes sounds like a fan - I have heard that it did wonders to some mothers with colicky babys. Maybe it'll help the both of you.

    Stay strong and always remember that you are indeed a great mother and that noone has the right to look at you and complain about a crying baby!

  4. Just remember: you are a WONDERFUL MOTHER. When my little cried, that was my husbands job to remind me! Thankfully colic is a phase, and ends around 3 months! Hang in there girl, you can do it!!!

    I have also heard driving in the car helps soothe colicky babies! Good luck!!

  5. I cant imagine. It must be so hard. Hang in there girl! You are doing great!