Tuesday, January 21, 2014

dear baby,


Tomorrow I find out if you're a little boy or a little girl. I had a dream the other day that you were a boy, but in my dream it didn't feel right because I knew you were supposed to be a girl. I woke up feeling terribly confused and now I just don't know what you are.

It's crazy that I've only had you inside me for 19 weeks yet I feel like you've changed me so much already. I want to be such a better person for you. (Even though you made me deathly ill for 4 months, don't worry, you're forgiven). 
Sometimes I feel you moving and my heart oozes with love, but sometimes I wonder how the three of us will survive financially and I get really scared and think that maybe you made a mistake coming to me. My biggest fear is that I won't be a good mama because I'm not ready. That I won't know how to comfort you when you're sad, that we might have a hard time with breast feeding, that you'll be really grumpy and cry a lot and I will feel heart broken and confused and tired. I've spent many years being afraid of becoming a mom, afraid of how you'd change me physically and emotionally, and now it's happening and all of these fears are magnified.  

But I need to stop thinking that.

The truth is I've only had you for such a short amount of time but I feel like I've known you for so much longer. During your last ultrasound you were waving and dancing, almost like you were saying "Hi, remember me? I told you we'd see each other again!" to some old friends. I think you wanted me to be your mama because you know me, believe in me, and love me. You came to me because you knew I was the only one who could care for you the way you'll need. 
And that makes me feel better.

I love you little baby. I've loved you before I knew you'd exist. And I'll love you for always. I look forward to seeing if you have your daddy's chin or my eyes, kissing all your owies, holding you close while you go to sleep, and teaching you everything I know about life. I hope you've been enjoying all the fruits and vegetables I've been shoving down my throat because I'm doing it for you! Stay happy and healthy in there, and feel free to start dancing again whenever you want.


Love, 


Your Mama





Now what are YOUR final guesses before we find out tomorrow?

12 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness, this is just the cutest little letter to your future baby! I know you are nervous and while I've no where close to being a mom myself, I can only imagine how wonderful of a mama you are going to be! And just think, you have a whole blogging community here to support you in times when you need answers or don't know what to do :-) I'm so excited for you to find out the gender...I'm going to go on a limb and guess a little girl!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Alyssa, your post just made my day. Even though being a mom feels sooo scary, knowing you guys have my back makes me feel like I can really do this.
      xo

      Delete
  2. Love the letter and congrats! it will be all worth it in the end. i hope the little one dances for you soon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It absolutely will, I can't wait to meet my little one!
      xo

      Delete
  3. I loved this post!!! So cute! I think you're having a boy.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh my goodness, SOOO excited for you and Josh!! No guess, but I do know this. That your Little Baby will definitely teach YOU more about life, than you'll teach Him/Her! True that is! XXOO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha absolutely! Can't wait to start learning in growing in ways I never knew possible.
      co

      Delete
  5. I would say a girl...and I'm usually right about half the time =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha love it!! I'm going to start saying that with all my gender predictions.
      xo

      Delete
  6. New Follower!! You are absolutely BEAUTIFUL. What a lucky little person to be joining your sweet family! Can't wait to hear!! Congrats pretty lady!!
    <3 Kyla
    http://ford-ology.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much you are SO sweet!!
      xo

      Delete