Thursday, December 5, 2013

so, i'm pregnant


Yep. It's true. My uterus is now working as a small incubator while a child grows inside. Many of you are probably thinking, wait, you wanted to wait like 4 more years? I thought you were scared of children? Do you even want kids? Are you ready for this?

Let me answer all of your inquiries by first stating, no, we weren't trying. And yes, I'm freaking out. This little baby is what I'd like to call divine intervention. How it was spontaneously created despite my best efforts to prevent pregnancy is beyond me. But it happened, and that's what I like to call destiny. 

At first I was sad, really sad. Mostly because I don't feel the slightest bit ready. I wanted to be older, travel some more with Josh, save lots of money etc. Maybe that's selfish of me, but I think you need to be mentally prepared to get pregnant and I just wasn't yet. So it was really emotional finding out.

Then, I was depressed because I thought about how so many women were trying to have babies and I got one so easily, yet I wasn't excited or happy. (Partly due to the fact that I have hypermesis gravidarum, which is insane morning sickness. So far I've lost 18 pounds, although it's probably more now. I've basically felt like I've had constant food poisoning for 3 months now.) Plus, this is my last semester and school and work is impossible when I can't even get out of bed without throwing up three times. 

But then something happened. One night I began bleeding and cramping really bad, I called my doctor who told me to go into the ER right away because he thought I might be miscarrying. And that was hard, really hard. I realized that I had come so far already, that even though my miracle baby was coming earlier than I was hoping, I still loved the little person so much. And I think that's when I became a mother. They did an ultrasound right away and baby was doing great. It was dancing all over the place, fist pumping, twirling, you name it. The best was when the ultrasound tech tried getting a side view of the baby and it instantly turned on it's side and threw it's leg up in the air, just chill'axin in there. Side note, as a kid whenever I'd watch TV or read a book I'd always lay on my side and put my leg up in the air. Don't know why, but it was just comfy I guess. 

It was scary, but I think that's when I grew up and this got real. Before I was being really selfish, heck, I'm still selfish and scared but that doesn't change the fact that a baby wanted to come to our family and went through extraordinary measures to get here. So. Yes, I'm young. Yes, we haven't been married for that long. Yes, I'm unprepared and scared. But I think everything is going to turn out okay and life is all about attitude, so by choosing love and acceptance rather than resentment and anger I think I'll be ready and this baby will be so loved.

I'll spend another blog post talking more about my depression, anxiety, and everything in between but for now, here are our announcement pictures, taken by my lovely friend Annie Mills.(If anyone in the Rexburg area needs pictures taken I recommend her 100%! Annie did a great job at posing us, helped us feel relaxed, and she had us laughing the whole time even though I felt like poo and wanted to die. So like I said, if you need pictures taken, she's the bomb.)

Without further ado...

^^^ Notice how the wee lass is waving







^^^ One of my favorite pictures!











Due: June 15th
How Far Along: 12 1/2 weeks
Size of Baby: A Plum!
Total Weight Gain: Ummm (-)18 pounds 
Miss Anything: Being able to eat without throwing it up. I used to love food, and now I just hate it so much.
Gender Prediction: I think it's a boy, but we shall see in about a month!
Looking Forward To: Our trip to Arizona this next week, can't wait to see my sister and her 4 kiddos!


PS Josh got accepted into dental school! WOO HOO! So far he has been accepted to LECOM in Bradenton, FL and Roseman in South Jordan, UT. We still haven't heard back from UNC, and he has an interview at Midwestern, AZ this Tuesday, and an interview January 13th at UW! So we shall see where we end up going!



xo

19 comments:

  1. You look beautiful girl :) love those colors and that dress! Love you!

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  2. You look beautiful girl :) love those colors and that dress! Love you!

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  3. Could not be happier for all three of you!! I am so proud of you for keeping it real and I'm sure so many other young Moms appreciate that, too. Congratulations!! Love your pics!! Much love, Aunt C.

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    1. Thanks so much Aunt Christy! You're always so sweet and know exactly what to say :)
      xo

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  4. So happy for you two. Sounds like fate to me ;)
    Congrats, and I hope the morning sickness gets better!!!

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    1. Thanks Laura! I'm really hoping I kick this hypermesis to the curb real quick. I keep telling Josh asian babies keep looking better and better to me because I can't stand the thought of being this sick again haha.
      xo

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  5. Sometimes God gives us little miracles! This is amazing. What a blessing. It is totally normal to feel scared, and unprepared at first. Especially if you didn't expect it at all. The pictures are also way cute!

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    1. Thank you so much you are so nice! Sometimes I forget that other people who were trying to have a baby still don't feel ready, in fact maybe no one ever does! It makes me feel a lot more validated and confident in myself knowing I'm not alone.
      xo

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  6. YAY! Pictures look amazing - so excited for you guys:)

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    1. Thanks Rachael!! I'm really happy with how they turned out considering I felt like death the whole time haha. It's amazing what a talented photographer and photoshop can do ;)
      xo

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  7. Lauren! I didn't know you had a blog! I'm going to have to catch up and read a little bit more (: I know you're not ready- but you have the right attitude, you'll be a great mommy! Love the pictures- you three look fantabulous.

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    1. Thanks Lacey! It took me a while to realize it's all about my attitude. I saw this quote that said "Love your decisions so much that it doesn't matter if anyone else loves them" or something like that and I realized that it's up to me to make the most out of it. It's still really hard but hopefully it gets better.
      xo

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  8. Congratulations!!! You guys are the cutest couple so you'll for sure make the cutest baby. These pictures are absolutely beautiful, and you look stunning as always! I seriously have all the same feelings about pregnancy as you- I totally feel ya! I'm excited for you though :)

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    1. Thanks Haleigh! You are just the best.
      xo

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  9. Congratulations!!! Life has a way of throwing in some unpredicted events sometimes but often times they are life's greatest joys!

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  10. I can relate to your first feelings of being pregnant. I was scared half to death. I'm in school, and now I'm pregnant, now what? I felt really bad for not being so happy because so many people around me want babies so much and can't have them. It became real to me once we found out the baby was a boy! I had a hard first trimester as well. But now I feel like it's starting to feel all worth it. I'm about 6 weeks a head of you! Congrats!
    xo jess
    www.stmurrie.blogspot.com

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