Yep. It's true. My uterus is now working as a small incubator while a child grows inside. Many of you are probably thinking, wait, you wanted to wait like 4 more years? I thought you were scared of children? Do you even want kids? Are you ready for this?
Let me answer all of your inquiries by first stating, no, we weren't trying. And yes, I'm freaking out. This little baby is what I'd like to call divine intervention. How it was spontaneously created despite my best efforts to prevent pregnancy is beyond me. But it happened, and that's what I like to call destiny.
At first I was sad, really sad. Mostly because I don't feel the slightest bit ready. I wanted to be older, travel some more with Josh, save lots of money etc. Maybe that's selfish of me, but I think you need to be mentally prepared to get pregnant and I just wasn't yet. So it was really emotional finding out.
Then, I was depressed because I thought about how so many women were trying to have babies and I got one so easily, yet I wasn't excited or happy. (Partly due to the fact that I have hypermesis gravidarum, which is insane morning sickness. So far I've lost 18 pounds, although it's probably more now. I've basically felt like I've had constant food poisoning for 3 months now.) Plus, this is my last semester and school and work is impossible when I can't even get out of bed without throwing up three times.
But then something happened. One night I began bleeding and cramping really bad, I called my doctor who told me to go into the ER right away because he thought I might be miscarrying. And that was hard, really hard. I realized that I had come so far already, that even though my miracle baby was coming earlier than I was hoping, I still loved the little person so much. And I think that's when I became a mother. They did an ultrasound right away and baby was doing great. It was dancing all over the place, fist pumping, twirling, you name it. The best was when the ultrasound tech tried getting a side view of the baby and it instantly turned on it's side and threw it's leg up in the air, just chill'axin in there. Side note, as a kid whenever I'd watch TV or read a book I'd always lay on my side and put my leg up in the air. Don't know why, but it was just comfy I guess.
It was scary, but I think that's when I grew up and this got real. Before I was being really selfish, heck, I'm still selfish and scared but that doesn't change the fact that a baby wanted to come to our family and went through extraordinary measures to get here. So. Yes, I'm young. Yes, we haven't been married for that long. Yes, I'm unprepared and scared. But I think everything is going to turn out okay and life is all about attitude, so by choosing love and acceptance rather than resentment and anger I think I'll be ready and this baby will be so loved.
I'll spend another blog post talking more about my depression, anxiety, and everything in between but for now, here are our announcement pictures, taken by my lovely friend Annie Mills.(If anyone in the Rexburg area needs pictures taken I recommend her 100%! Annie did a great job at posing us, helped us feel relaxed, and she had us laughing the whole time even though I felt like poo and wanted to die. So like I said, if you need pictures taken, she's the bomb.)
Without further ado...
|^^^ Notice how the wee lass is waving|
|^^^ One of my favorite pictures!|
Due: June 15th
How Far Along: 12 1/2 weeks
Size of Baby: A Plum!
Total Weight Gain: Ummm (-)18 pounds
Miss Anything: Being able to eat without throwing it up. I used to love food, and now I just hate it so much.
Gender Prediction: I think it's a boy, but we shall see in about a month!
Looking Forward To: Our trip to Arizona this next week, can't wait to see my sister and her 4 kiddos!
PS Josh got accepted into dental school! WOO HOO! So far he has been accepted to LECOM in Bradenton, FL and Roseman in South Jordan, UT. We still haven't heard back from UNC, and he has an interview at Midwestern, AZ this Tuesday, and an interview January 13th at UW! So we shall see where we end up going!