Wednesday, December 17, 2014

woodland park zoo lights excursion

Last night we went to the zoo lights with my Seattle bestie, Sadie, and her family. Between the two kids there was always one crying or freaking out, it was pretty fantastic. That's just what happens when you go out right before bedtime. Hell hath no furry like a child up past their bedtime. 

Despite crazy children the whole experience was so much fun, and I'm so glad we got to go with some of our friends. (Although the whole time I kept wishing I hadn't just watched the entire first season of "Human Prey" on Netflix. I kept imagining some sort of escaped animal pouncing on us from a tree or something.)

 ^^^ When we walked aimlessly around the zoo trying to find the entrance in the dark.

 ^^^ Ahhh, there it is!

 ^^^ This picture was taken right after we discovered our apple cider spilled all over our stroller (shouldn't have impatiently taken it off-roading to pass all the slow walkers). Josh was a champ and ran to the bathroom to get some paper towels while Madelyn and I spent some good quality time with the smelly reindeer. But seriously, yay for sticky stroller handles!  And Madelyn's face just cracks me up in this one. So much milk storage potential in those cheeks. 

 ^^^ Probably my favorite picture of the night, little koala bear Madelyn trying so hard to look at her surroundings even though she has to practically bend in half to see around daddy's big puffy jacket.

 ^^^ This picture brings me so much happiness. Right after we took this picture and as Josh was looking at it he sadly said, "I thought we were doing funny faces!" Whoops! Let's be honest though, he's the best part of this photo.

 A good time was had, and the fact that no exotic animals escaped and mauled someone made it even better. Man, I need to start watching more positive shows.


Friday, December 12, 2014

meet kevin

This week has been the much dreaded "finals week" for Josh, which has been equally as dreadful for the babe and I. He's been staying up until 3 AM cramming and sipping his energy drinks and it's the saddest thing ever. And not sure if Madelyn is teething or just wants to join in on the whole not sleeping thing but she hasn't been napping at all and currently enjoys waking up screaming every 1-2 hours at night. So we've all turned into zombies. But after today he is done for the semester and on to bigger, better things, like Christmas break! Maybe some sleep, if we're lucky. And of course, a trip to the Seattle zoo which is a must this time of year.

Any way, while Josh was studying at home the other day I took the baby to the grocery store with me and right outside of Safeway there was a "mini" tree sale going on. After mauling it over for about 5 seconds I decided to splurge and get our family's first ever Christmas tree! Seriously, I'm such a slacker when it comes to holiday shopping/decorating. But since this is M's first Christmas I feel like I can't slack any more and for now on all holiday's must be memorable and planned! Plus, I got this adorable baby ornament for her and I didn't want it to go to waste, so logically one must buy a Christmas tree, lights, tinsel, ornaments, you know, the works.

So, I picked a random little tree that looked stout and slung it into the cart, where it eventually took up way too much room and I had to pile milk jugs, cereal, and other non-memorable items on top of one another so the beloved yet fragile tree wouldn't snap in half.

^^^ Madelyn and Kevin bonding in the meat section of Safeway.

After bringing the little tree home Josh and I were so giddy to finally have our own Christmas tree and in the excitement we decided that we want to start a family tradition of naming our Christmas trees after characters from our favorite Christmas movies. We felt like our first tree should be from a classic, so we picked Kevin, the kid from Home Alone. (It was either that or Buzz, but alas, Buzz, the snotty older brother of Kevin shall be saved for another year.) And well, it just stuck. Not sure if people might find this tradition weird or not. Guess I've been binge watching Gilmore Girls too much at night while I blog and it gives me a desire to name inanimate objects and try to talk much wittier than I'm capable of. So please excuse any weirdness radiating out of this post, it's just so hard getting Lorelei out of your head, you know?

So after spending an hour decorating my first ever Christmas tree without the help of my mother and with a baby on my hip I took one look at it and thought, well this is hideous. What a waste of money. And it truly was ugly. I highly underestimated how much girth a tiny tree could posses, and my lights and tinsel didn't even go to the top. It was so sad and pathetic. But the next day I went to Target and bought much more tinsel and ornaments. Then when I got home I took eveything off the tree and redid the whole thing and finally it was/is perfect in every way.

So Without further ado, blogging world, meet Kevin. Kevin, this is the internet.

^^^ Kevin showing off the pretty ornaments that took FOREVER to put together, should have known $5 ornaments from Target wouldn't include hooks, but little strings that would not hold a knot.

 ^^^ And of course, Kevin in his full glory with the lights turned off and everything.

I'm getting pretty used to having the little guy around. Maybe we'll keep him. Also, yay for pine needles in the carpet (insert clapping hands emoji)!


Monday, December 8, 2014

feeling hollow

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol on Grooveshark

  When I was pregnant I had a bad habit of focusing on the negative: nausea, ligament pains, stretch marks, weight gain, headaches etc. Looking back I wish I would have paid more attention to the miracle my body was producing because little did I know how much I would miss her.

During those 9 months, Madelyn was literally a part of me. We were two souls living in one body and that's the closest two people can ever be. 

We were never alone. Where I went, she came. What I felt, she felt. What I heard, she heard. I remember being stressed one day and crying in the bathroom (pregnancy hormones, I tell ya!) and I felt this little nudge inside of me and I rubbed my belly back. I felt like she was comforting me and was reminding me that she was here and that she loved me as deeply as I loved her. 

Pregnancy feels like there's another person with you at all times that just understands you and loves you no matter what. Nothing else compares to that feeling of constant companionship when you're so in sync with another human being. Maybe it's because you are sacrificing so much between morning sickness and weight gain, you're producing this immaculate service to a tiny person and yet it's impossible to resent them. It makes that love so unbreakable and enduring. And in return you can feel the love your baby has for you radiate from their tiny growing body into your heart. 

Nothing beats the love that overwhelms your whole body the moment you find out you're pregnant. Or when your baby starts to wiggle inside of you the moment he or she hears your voice. Or that first kick. Or seeing them dance on the ultrasound. Nothing beats that love you feel for someone you've never even met. 

Right after having Madelyn this feeling of emptiness settled into me. Something I wasn't really prepared to feel. I wasn't a fan of pregnancy at the time and thought I'd be overjoyed to have her in my arms and never, ever wish I could go back and relive it all again. But I do, even the months of constant vomiting. I'd do it all over again just to hear her beating heart inside of me or to feel her move from one side to the other just one more time.

Everything changed the moment I saw someone else hold her and I realized I had to share her with the world now. It was devastating to realize I would never again feel her move inside of me and that she was no longer all mine.

The first time I left the room she was in I wanted to cry because I hated being so far away from her (even though I only went from her bassinet to the hospital bathroom). I felt like this huge piece of me was gone. Suddenly everywhere I went she wasn't with me and I was so alone. That little soul that I was so used to having be a part of me was just gone. The loneliness I felt while someone else held the baby that used to only be mine for so long was deafening. 

After giving birth to Madelyn I felt so. . . hollow. So empty inside. 

Don't get me wrong, I love, love, love having my baby to kiss and cuddle. I love how her personality is coming out, and especially seeing her crinkle her nose when she smiles or laughs. I love sharing her with the world and watching her fall in love with the people and places around her. But at the same time I miss being the only person that held her and felt every movement, hiccup, and stretch. I miss having all of those moments to myself. And I miss being her whole world.

I don't think I will ever stop missing the days when she was all mine and my stomach used to be her home.
 I will always miss that time when everywhere I went, she came with me.

But for now my stomach will be an empty place where a miracle once occurred and that'll just have to be good enough.


Thursday, December 4, 2014

6 months

I can't believe my tiny little baby is half a year old today! Where is this time going?! 

Also, I apologize for the insane amount of baby pictures I'm posting. What can I say, she's the cutest!!


- Rolls over like a champ.
- Stands with little help.
- Puts everything in her mouth.
- Reaches and grabs things easily.
- Giggles and laughs daily now.
- Hangs on like a koala bear when being held.
- Changing her diaper has turned into an olympic sport where she twists and turns and grabs as many baby wipes as she can. The other day I was holding her legs in the air and she had this spaz attack and twisted her whole body around so she was pretty much hanging off her changing table while covered in poop and I had to call Josh into the room for help.
- She always say "mmm" "maaaa" and blows air through her lips to communicate.

Currently Working On:

-Sitting up by herself.
- Army crawling.


- Splashing in the bathtub.
- Being held by mommy and daddy.
- Anything crinkly. 
- Bright colors.
- Babbling and screaming.
- Kisses and hugs.
-Nuring, she only falls asleep nursing now.
- All of her toys.
- Baby Einstein.
- Frozen (Seriously, that's the only movie she'll watch with me).


- Her carseat.
- ... The car in general.
- When I leave the room.
- Being swaddled.
- Her bed, whoops, looks like we're co-sleeping now.
- The wind in her face.
- Being cold (such a summer baby).
- Sometimes life in general, hah.

I love you Lynie Bug! Happy 1/2 Birthday!!!

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

the best and thickest chocolate chip cookies

Whoever said cravings during pregnancy were intense obviously had no idea how strong they are while breastfeeding! The only thing I really craved my whole pregnancy was cheesy, saucy enchiladas and red grapes. But since having Madelyn I just want chocolate chip cookies all the time! I've been trying lots of new recipes and experimenting with old ones and today I'd like to share my favorite thus far. 

My favorite thing about these cookies is how thick and soft they are. I really don't like hard crunchy cookies, and these ones always leave a kiss of dough in the middle (they even stayed soft after I accidentally left them out all night!).

Recipe: Chocolate Chip (Cream Cheese) Cookies

Total Estimated  Time: 15 minutes 
Makes: 12-18 cookies depending on size

1/2 cup butter (softened, not melted)
1/4 cup cream cheese
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup sugar
1 egg
1 tablespoon vanilla
2 1/4 cups flour
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 - 1 1/2 cups milk chocolate chips


1. Preheat oven to 350.

2. Mix together butter, cream cheese, sugars, egg, and vanilla for 3-5 minutes until fully mixed and the batter appears light and fluffy.

3. Add flour, cornstarch, baking soda, and salt. Stir until mixed completely and firm.

4. Add chocolate chips into mixture and stir until evenly distributed.

5. Place in 1" balls on cookie sheet and slightly press down so they aren't perfectly round and appear a little flat (helps give them a better shape).  

6. Put cookies in the oven and bake for 8-10 minutes.

(If you like your cookies a little less thick and a little more buttery then substitute the cream cheese for another 1/4 cup of butter.)



(Original recipe founded via Pinterest here)