So there's this thing called "purple crying" that some babies go through. A phase where they cry at a certain time every single day, and my dear Madelyn has a strong case of it. Let's just say when night time comes around she hates the world and everything/everyone in it.
When Madelyn was first born she was an angel baby. So easy-going, never cried, easy to soothe. Then around week 3 she turned into a baby I didn't even recognize, and it's been really, really hard.
Now she cries a lot, for hours and hours at a time. And Josh works, a lot. Most days he works a 13 hours shift where he leaves before Madelyn and I have woken up and comes home when she's finally asleep and I'm heading to bed. We're like two passing ships in the night. Only my ship has a screaming, inconsolable child.
For Madelyn, it's totally normal to cry for 3+ hours at a time. Some days when we're home alone she'll cry for 6, even 7 hours without taking a break and I feel so incredibly alone and isolated and depressed. I can't even take her out in public without a freak out, and oh I hate those stares of "Geeze, can't you get your child to stop crying," and the "How dare you take a fussy baby in public where she can annoy everyone" looks. Yep. We get many of those. Unfortunately we live in an area with lots of young people who don't have children and don't understand that sometimes there's nothing you can do to get your baby to stop crying except wait it out.
The other day I went shopping for new jeans because my hips are too wide for my pre-pregnancy jeans, and my maternity pants are too big. But Madelyn woke up while we were in the dressing room and went from 0-60, crying hysterically. And boy, those big dressing rooms have some great acoustics. I got dressed as quickly as I could and with the baby in one arm and pushing the stroller with the other I heard many grunts of disapproval, a couple "Oh my gosh, SO annoying!" and many, many stares of agitation and annoyance.
The thing people don't get is that I don't understand why she's so upset or how to comfort her. They may think that makes me an unfit mother but I'm trying as hard as I can and giving myself completely to her.
Being a mom is hard. I've never been so tired and emotionally exhausted in my life. But I'm learning to ask for help and I'm surrounded by such amazing people that truly care for my little family, and that has been making this journey a little easier.
So in case you were wondering where I've been and if I'm all right, that's my answer. I've been dealing with a colicky baby who may cry more than any other child I've ever known, and I'm learning to adjust because she is worth the restless days and nights and I love her so much.
And even if she does cry a lot she's still the most beautiful baby I've ever seen (although I am biased since I'm her mother) and I love her so much. I mean, those big almond eyes just kill me. Whenever I'm ready to pull my hair out I just take one hard look at her and remind myself how lucky I am to have this babe and I feel so much better. After all, this is only a phase and eventually my sweet, easy-going girl will come back, I just know it.
|But seriously, those eyes...|